Feeling Nostalgic

Today has been a hard day for me. Maybe it's the weather that is making me depressed, I don't know. My mind has been racing all day thinking about things I don't want to be thinking about.

It's really tough knowing that what I want for Christmas this year can not be wrapped, bought, given, made by elves, or delivered by Santa. Money can not buy what I want for Christmas. This year I have realized the only thing I really want for Christmas is one more Christmas with my Grandma.

Not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind and make me remember how much she affected my life. She is by far the most remarkable, kind hearted, selfless person I have ever met and will ever know. Anyone who knew her could depend on her for advice, a hug, a joke that she couldn't finish because she would start laughing too hard half-way through. I can't help but think of how hard it has been for my family over these past few years getting by without her because God needed her more then we.

My brothers and I had a special relationship with her because my Grandparents have lived with us since I was in 3rd grade. So losing her was one of the worst times of our lives even though we knew it was coming. I remember James wearing his dress blues to carry her casket out of the church. I remember Stephen keeping up such a brave face until we were about to leave her grave side. I remember bringing Addyson to her grave so she could be with her even though I know that my Grandma is not really there. To say that we had admiration and respect for her is an understatement.

We miss her. We are reminded of her presence daily. I named my daughter after her. And today, is really hard without her.